Mr. Munchausen
X
MR. MUNCHAUSEN'S ADVENTURE WITH A SHARK
Mr. and Mrs. Henry B. Ananias. _THURSDAYS._ _CIMMERIA._
This was the card sent by the reporter of the _Gehenna Gazette_, andMrs. Ananias to Mr. Munchausen upon his return from a trip to mortalrealms concerning which many curious reports have crept intocirculation. Owing to a rumour persistently circulated at one time,Mr. Munchausen had been eaten by a shark, and it was with theintention of learning, if possible, the basis for the rumour thatAnanias and Sapphira called upon the redoubtable Baron of other days.
Mr. Munchausen graciously received the callers and asked what he coulddo for them.
"Our readers, Mr. Munchausen," explained Ananias, "have been muchconcerned over rumours of your death at the hands of a shark."
"Sharks have no hands," said the Baron quietly.
"Well--that aside," observed Ananias. "Were you killed by a shark?"
"Not that I recall," said the Baron. "I may have been, but I don'tremember it. Indeed I recall only one adventure with a shark. Thatgrew out of my mission on behalf of France to the Czar of Russia. Icarried letters once from the King of France to his Imperial Coolnessthe Czar."
"What was the nature of the letters?" asked Ananias.
"I never knew," replied the Baron. "As I have said, it was a secretmission, and the French Government never took me into its confidence.The only thing I know about it is that I was sent to St. Petersburg,and I went, and in the course of time I made myself much beloved ofboth the people and his Majesty the Czar. I am the only person thatever lived that was liked equally by both, and if I had attachedmyself permanently to the Czar, Russia would have been a differentcountry to-day."
"What country would it have been, Mr. Munchausen," asked Sapphirainnocently, "Germany or Siam?"
"I can't specify, my dear madame," the Baron replied. "It wouldn't befair. But, at any rate, I went to Russia, and was treated warmly byeverybody, except the climate, which was, as it is at all times, veryfreezing. That's the reason the Russian people like the climate. It isthe only thing the Czar can't change by Imperial decree, and thepeople admire its independence and endure it for that reason. But as Ihave said, everybody was pleased with me, and the Czar showed meunusual attention. He gave fetes in my honour. He gave the mostprincely dinners, and I met the very best people in St. Petersburg,and at one of these dinners I was invited to join a yachting party ona cruise around the world.
"Well, of course, though a landsman in every sense of the word, I amfond of yachting, and I immediately accepted the invitation. The yachtwe went on was the Boomski Zboomah, belonging to Prince--er--nowwhat was that Prince's name! Something like--er--Sheeroff orJibski--or--er--well, never mind that. I meet so many princes it isdifficult to remember their names. We'll say his name was Jibski."
"Suppose we do," said Ananias, with a jealous grin. "Jibski is such aremarkable name. It will look well in print."
"All right," said the Baron, "Jibski be it. The yacht belonged toPrince Jibski, and she was a beauty. There was a stateroom and asteward for everybody on board, and nothing that could contribute to aman's comfort was left unattended to. We set sail on the 23rd ofAugust, and after cruising about the North coast of Europe for a weekor two, we steered the craft south, and along about the middle ofSeptember we reached the Amphibian Islands, and anchored. It was herethat I had my first and last experience with sharks. If they had beenplain, ordinary sharks I'd have had an easy time of it, but when youget hold of these Amphibian sharks you are likely to get yourself intotwenty-three different kinds of trouble."
"My!" said Sapphira. "All those? Does the number include being struckby lightning?"
"Yes," the Baron answered, "And when you remember that there are onlytwenty-four different kinds altogether you can see what a peck oftrouble an Amphibian shark can get you into. I thought my last hourhad come when I met with him. You see when we reached the AmphibianIslands, we naturally thought we'd like to go ashore and pick thecocoanuts and raisins and other things that grow there, and when I gotupon dry land again I felt strongly tempted to go down upon thebeautiful little beach in the harbour and take a swim. Prince Jibskiadvised me against it, but I was set upon going. He told me the placewas full of sharks, but I wasn't afraid because I was always aremarkably rapid swimmer, and I felt confident of my ability, in caseI saw a shark coming after me, to swim ashore before he could possiblycatch me, provided I had ten yards start. So in I went leaving my gunand clothing on the beach. Oh, it was fun! The water was quite warm,and the sandy bottom of the bay was deliciously soft and pleasant tothe feet. I suppose I must have sported in the waves for ten orfifteen minutes before the trouble came. I had just turned asomersault in the water, when, as my head came to the surface, I sawdirectly in front of me, the unmistakable fin of a shark, and to myunspeakable dismay not more than five feet away. As I told you, if ithad been ten yards away I should have had no fear, but five feet meantanother story altogether. My heart fairly jumped into my mouth. Itwould have sunk into my boots if I had had them on, but I hadn't, soit leaped upward into my mouth as I turned to swim ashore, by whichtime the shark had reduced the distance between us by one foot. Ifeared that all was up with me, and was trying to think of anappropriate set of last words, when Prince Jibski, noting my peril,fired one of the yacht's cannon in our direction. Ordinarily thiswould have been useless, for the yacht's cannon was never loaded withanything but a blank charge, but in this instance it was better thanif it had been loaded with ball and shot, for not only did the soundof the explosion attract the attention of the shark and cause him topause for a moment, but also the wadding from the gun dropped directlyupon my back, so showing that Prince Jibski's aim was not as good asit might have been. Had the cannon been loaded with a ball or a shell,you can very well understand how it would have happened that yourstruly would have been killed then and there."
"We should have missed you," said Ananias sweetly.
"Thanks," said the Baron. "But to resume. The shark's pause gave methe start I needed, and the heat from the burning wadding rightbetween my shoulders caused me to redouble my efforts to get away fromthe shark and it, so that I never swam faster in my life, and was soonstanding upon the shore, jeering at my fearful pursuer, who, strangeto say, showed no inclination to stop the chase now that I was, as Ithought, safely out of his reach. I didn't jeer very long I can tellyou, for in another minute I saw why the shark didn't stop chasing me,and why Amphibian sharks are worse than any other kind. That shark hadnot only fins like all other sharks to swim with, but he had likewisethree pairs of legs that he could use on land quite as well as hecould use the fins in the water. And then began the prettiest chaseyou ever saw in your life. As he emerged from the water I grabbed upmy gun and ran. Round and round the island we tore, I ahead, he thirtyor forty yards behind, until I got to a place where I could stoprunning and take a hasty shot at him. Then I aimed, and fired. My aimwas good, but struck one of the huge creature's teeth, broke it offshort, and bounded off to one side. This made him more angry thanever, and he redoubled his efforts to catch me. I redoubled mine,until I could get another shot at him. The second shot, like thefirst, struck the creature in the teeth, only this time it was moreeffective. The bullet hit his jaw lengthwise, and knocked every toothon that side of his head down his throat. So it went. I ran. Hepursued. I fired; he lost his teeth, until finally I had knocked outevery tooth he had, and then, of course, I wasn't afraid of him, andlet him come up with me. With his teeth he could have ground me toatoms at one bite. Without them he was as powerless as a bowl ofcurrant jelly, and when he opened his huge jaws, as he supposed tobite me in two, he was the most surprised looking fish you ever saw onland or sea to discover that the effect his jaws had upon my safetywas about as great as had they been nothing but two feather bedmattresses."
"You must have been badly frightened, though," said Ananias.
"No," said the Baron. "I laughed in the poor disappointed thi
ng'sface, and with a howl of despair, he rushed back into the sea again. Imade the best time I could back to the yacht for fear he might returnwith assistance."
"And didn't you ever see him again, Baron?" asked Sapphira.
"Yes, but only from the deck of the yacht as we were weighing anchor,"said Mr. Munchausen. "I saw him and a dozen others like him doingprecisely what I thought they would do, going ashore to search me outso as to have a little cold Munch for dinner. I'm glad they weredisappointed, aren't you?"
"Yes, indeed," said Ananias and Sapphira, but not warmly.
Ananias was silent for a moment, and then walking over to one of thebookcases, he returned in a moment, bringing with him a huge atlas.
"Where are the Amphibian Islands, Mr. Munchausen?" he said, openingthe book. "Show them to me on the map. I'd like to print the map withmy story."
"Oh, I can't do that," said the Baron, "because they aren't on the mapany more. When I got back to Europe and told the map-makers about thedangers to man on those islands, they said that the interests ofhumanity demanded that they be lost. So they took them out of all thegeographies, and all the cyclopaedias, and all the other books, so thatnobody ever again should be tempted to go there; and there isn't aschool-teacher or a sailor in the world to-day who could tell youwhere they are."
"But, you know, don't you?" persisted Ananias.
"Well, I did," said the Baron; "but, really I have had to remember somany other things that I have forgotten that. All that I know is thatthey were named from the fact that they were infested by Amphibiousanimals, which are animals that can live on land as well as on water."
"How strange!" said Sapphira.
"It's just too queer for anything," said Ananias, "but on the wholeI'm not surprised."
And the Baron said he was glad to hear it.
"I laughed in the poor disappointed thing's face, andwith a howl of despair he rushed back into the sea." _Chapter X._]